• Christopher G. Moore

How to Cure Depression Asian Style, Clear your Bowels, and Become Young

It is that time of the year when the weather changes and the mood shifts into a low gear depression. There is medication and there are therapists. Now there is the definitive book from a Japanese author Hiroyuki Nishigaki titled: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

Or let’s say you are depressed but would like to reverse the aging process. Again Nishigaki’s technique apparently works for the holy grail of youthfulness. The book is described on amazon as: “I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance.”

Trolling through the amazon reviews yields a splendid number of insights of how this books has been treasured by readers.

One reviewer was hooked on the “English” in the book and believes this line would draw in just about any reader: "Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus.”

Another reviewer wrote: “The remaining three sections are Nishigaki's writing, and are based on the teachings of Carlos Castaneda. While I'm inclined to believe that both Castaneda and Nishigaki are both lunatics who need to be institutionalized, I didn't buy the book to learn about the healing effects of anal-clenching; I got the book because it looked like a good laugh.”

Yet another reviewer wrote: “I've been teaching my dog to obey this book as well. In fact, I'm working on a technique to teach dogs how to constrict their anuses at your command. So useful, really.”

And last but not least, a reviewer said, “I decided to try the methods described in the book. Anal constrition and stomach compression, 100 times a day for several days.

At the risk of seeming disgusting, permit me to say that several days after I started this practice, I experienced what was probably the largest bowel movement in my life. I've also lost a few inches around the waistline and my energy level seems to be rising.”

I will be away for a couple of weeks. Look for the next blog entry sometime during the third week of December.

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