AUTHOR’S DEDICATIONS IN SECOND HAND BOOKS
What does an author do when he sees a secondhand copy of his book in a bookstore? I have been thinking about this having recently seen a secondhand copy of The Wisdom of Beer.
As I can’t cover all second hand bookstores, I’d like any reader who finds a copy to feel free to write a dedication in the book on my behalf. I understand that after exhaustive studies, academics have concluded that a book dedicated to a famous person by the author fetches a much higher return on the second hand market.
In a time of bookstore closures worldwide, I’d like to help the bookstore owners increase their revenues. They should encourage customers to form a self-help group to write those special dedications for The Wisdom of Beer (or any other book you might find of mine).
I have a few suggestions for dedications to be inscribed in random, dog-eared copies of The Wisdom of Beer.
I am positive that you will come up with much better material.
The Wisdom of Beer dedication list might include the following:
To my dear friend, Donald Trump,
Thanks for the napkin from A60 Club with your hand-written essay on the Kenyan birth certificate. I am sorry it arrived too late to include the appendix as you suggested. Should The Wisdom of Beer ever be reprinted I will urge the publisher to place it in the new edition.
Former New Yorker, Vincent Calvino
For my personal mentor, Cesar Millan,
Thanks for writing to tell me that The Wisdom of Beer has become the Dog’s Whisperer’s bible. Sorry your show has been cancelled. But I can’t really change the parrot in the book to the Boxer mixed breed. But I appreciate your idea.
Best wishes from me and all of my pack of six, CM
For Lindsay Lohan,
Your probation officer gave asked that I send you The Wisdom of Beer to help keep you out of jail. I am proud to know the book will guide you to a new and better life.
Keep sober, Chris
For Mitt Romney,
You can reject beer or wisdom, but if you throw out both you can’t expect the Republics to ever win a majority. Please keep The Wisdom of Beer as an alternative bible to rebuild your shattered life.
Peace, Fairness and Love bring huge dividends, CGM
For Miranda Kerr,
I won’t ever forget our night together in Paris. Congrats on being chosen the sexist woman alive for 2012. Of course it is 2013 and you probably won’t win again. Still, I hope you will always keep this copy of The Wisdom of Beer to remember our special time together.
Dear General Secretary of the Communist Party, Xi Jinping,
I know you are new to the job. The Chinese invented beer and I’ve written the first book ever to bring that accomplishment to the world. You should celebrate with pride this gift to mankind by translating The Wisdom of Beer and requiring every party member to purchase a copy. My publisher promises a volume discount for all orders over one million copies. They also offered to put a red cover on the Chinese edition.
Your Comrade in Suds, C. Moore
You’ve made “The Cable Guy”, “Liar Liar” “Dumb and Dumber” and “Me, Myself & Irene” all quite intellectual films. They were too serious for a true comic genius like your good self and these films may have hurt your A-list ranking. Why not try something to showcase your unique humour like starring in The Wisdom of Beer? The Wisdom of Beer film would give your movie career a needed boost. Face it. You need that. Have a beer.
Fellow Canuck, Chris.G.Moore